his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
