dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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