i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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