the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
