It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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