I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
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I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
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Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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