She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
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