They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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