Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
