i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
