I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Randomize
