I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
