I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
