i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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