as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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