Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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