i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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