If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
