No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
