A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
