don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
