I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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