i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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