He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I deserve to be covered in dicks
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
