Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i will never coherently bang her
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize