YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Randomize
