Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
