We won't sleep together?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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