Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
