You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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