Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
