Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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