I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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