There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize