you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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