my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
We're too hungover to prance.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
