hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Randomize
