So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
