Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
