you're like a bully in the Christmas story
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
