So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
