Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
