Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
