i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize