In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
