i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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