I'm gonna have a badass scar
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Houston, we have a blender
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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