Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
