Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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