Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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