Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
