I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
