dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
