it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
