Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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