A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
