I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
