Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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