I wannas sexs uuuuu
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
